"Like most storytellers, I turned to my inner worlds because I felt unsatisfied with the world around me. It did not live up to the world inside my head; it did not even come close." yes. yes. yes.
I often try to find a home in my writing when I can't find it in relationships. Around others, I can feel like too much is going on inside my mind, I am too far from the surface where life actually happens. I am afraid that I don't have a place in the world, so I try to create one where I can validate myself and know who I am, because that is where I'll be understood. The piece of fiction I'm writing, to try to understand my struggles as a meaningful narrative, becomes the biggest presence in my life, and then I just feel more alone. When I'm creating because I feel like I have to prove myself somehow, as a separate entity from the world, it feels terrible. I am in the process of letting go again, and not defining myself by what I create or how big of a story I can contribute to society, but letting my love for others be enough.
I start college tomorrow in a different state. I chose it because I thought I would meet people who understand me, make me feel alive and happy. I am terrified of rejection but am trying to remember that no matter what, I am enough :)
p.s. I have some of my favorite Good Folk excerpts printed out to hang on my dorm room wall!!! They make me feel inspired and safe. I am so grateful for you and this project!! <3 <3 <3 so much love!!!!
I love this, thank you. It speaks to sooo much of what I've been increasingly feeling the past several years.
"Like most storytellers, I turned to my inner worlds because I felt unsatisfied with the world around me. It did not live up to the world inside my head; it did not even come close." yes. yes. yes.
I often try to find a home in my writing when I can't find it in relationships. Around others, I can feel like too much is going on inside my mind, I am too far from the surface where life actually happens. I am afraid that I don't have a place in the world, so I try to create one where I can validate myself and know who I am, because that is where I'll be understood. The piece of fiction I'm writing, to try to understand my struggles as a meaningful narrative, becomes the biggest presence in my life, and then I just feel more alone. When I'm creating because I feel like I have to prove myself somehow, as a separate entity from the world, it feels terrible. I am in the process of letting go again, and not defining myself by what I create or how big of a story I can contribute to society, but letting my love for others be enough.
I start college tomorrow in a different state. I chose it because I thought I would meet people who understand me, make me feel alive and happy. I am terrified of rejection but am trying to remember that no matter what, I am enough :)
p.s. I have some of my favorite Good Folk excerpts printed out to hang on my dorm room wall!!! They make me feel inspired and safe. I am so grateful for you and this project!! <3 <3 <3 so much love!!!!