"Like most storytellers, I turned to my inner worlds because I felt unsatisfied with the world around me. It did not live up to the world inside my head; it did not even come close." yes. yes. yes.
I often try to find a home in my writing when I can't find it in relationships. Around others, I can feel like too much is going on inside my mind, I am too far from the surface where life actually happens. I am afraid that I don't have a place in the world, so I try to create one where I can validate myself and know who I am, because that is where I'll be understood. The piece of fiction I'm writing, to try to understand my struggles as a meaningful narrative, becomes the biggest presence in my life, and then I just feel more alone. When I'm creating because I feel like I have to prove myself somehow, as a separate entity from the world, it feels terrible. I am in the process of letting go again, and not defining myself by what I create or how big of a story I can contribute to society, but letting my love for others be enough.
I start college tomorrow in a different state. I chose it because I thought I would meet people who understand me, make me feel alive and happy. I am terrified of rejection but am trying to remember that no matter what, I am enough :)
p.s. I have some of my favorite Good Folk excerpts printed out to hang on my dorm room wall!!! They make me feel inspired and safe. I am so grateful for you and this project!! <3 <3 <3 so much love!!!!
Caitlin! You're going to make me cry! <3 GOOD LUCK with college, and no matter what, know that it will be a new adventure! I really am a firm believer that everything happens as it's meant to, even if we can't see in the moment. Sending you so many good wishes on this new chapter! Also, I love your words on creating as a separate entity from the world— I feel that so deeply. I'm trying lately to strike the balance between living and writing, but it's difficult. I try to remind myself that the success of my work requires that I LIVE, and experience life in all its fullness. I want my writing to draw from the world, not the opposite way around. As a folklorist, we spend a lot of time talking about what defines "art" and "text"— something I've found comforting lately is the concept that text is not just written storytelling, but anything that tells a story about who we are. That can be practices, habits, personal rituals, collections, hobbies, etc. In that sense, life itself becomes an art form— and my love for that life can be enough.
AHHHH thank you so much Spencer!! I love your sentiment about the expansive nature of storytelling, how it can be so many things. I will hold that close to me.
Spencer, I share your concern and desire for community in order to assuage loneliness, not to mention boredom. But I can find no one with whom to discuss my ideas as to what must be done. Know more at: http://www.FoolQuest.com
I love this, thank you. It speaks to sooo much of what I've been increasingly feeling the past several years.
I'm so glad it resonates! Definitely easy to feel alone in this, but, for better or for worse, seems most us feel it these days... Glad you are here!
"Like most storytellers, I turned to my inner worlds because I felt unsatisfied with the world around me. It did not live up to the world inside my head; it did not even come close." yes. yes. yes.
I often try to find a home in my writing when I can't find it in relationships. Around others, I can feel like too much is going on inside my mind, I am too far from the surface where life actually happens. I am afraid that I don't have a place in the world, so I try to create one where I can validate myself and know who I am, because that is where I'll be understood. The piece of fiction I'm writing, to try to understand my struggles as a meaningful narrative, becomes the biggest presence in my life, and then I just feel more alone. When I'm creating because I feel like I have to prove myself somehow, as a separate entity from the world, it feels terrible. I am in the process of letting go again, and not defining myself by what I create or how big of a story I can contribute to society, but letting my love for others be enough.
I start college tomorrow in a different state. I chose it because I thought I would meet people who understand me, make me feel alive and happy. I am terrified of rejection but am trying to remember that no matter what, I am enough :)
p.s. I have some of my favorite Good Folk excerpts printed out to hang on my dorm room wall!!! They make me feel inspired and safe. I am so grateful for you and this project!! <3 <3 <3 so much love!!!!
Caitlin! You're going to make me cry! <3 GOOD LUCK with college, and no matter what, know that it will be a new adventure! I really am a firm believer that everything happens as it's meant to, even if we can't see in the moment. Sending you so many good wishes on this new chapter! Also, I love your words on creating as a separate entity from the world— I feel that so deeply. I'm trying lately to strike the balance between living and writing, but it's difficult. I try to remind myself that the success of my work requires that I LIVE, and experience life in all its fullness. I want my writing to draw from the world, not the opposite way around. As a folklorist, we spend a lot of time talking about what defines "art" and "text"— something I've found comforting lately is the concept that text is not just written storytelling, but anything that tells a story about who we are. That can be practices, habits, personal rituals, collections, hobbies, etc. In that sense, life itself becomes an art form— and my love for that life can be enough.
AHHHH thank you so much Spencer!! I love your sentiment about the expansive nature of storytelling, how it can be so many things. I will hold that close to me.
okay time to fangirl about this while I pack <3!!
Spencer, I share your concern and desire for community in order to assuage loneliness, not to mention boredom. But I can find no one with whom to discuss my ideas as to what must be done. Know more at: http://www.FoolQuest.com